IrIs
by solitudeseeker
Summary: And all I could taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life and sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight (Based on song by the Goo Goo Dolls)


Title- Iris  
  
Author- solitudeseeker  
  
Summary- And all I could taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life and sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight (Based on song by the Goo Goo Dolls)  
  
Rating- PG- 13 (for language)  
  
Authors Note- Lyrics in ~~ ~~ I use parts of the lyrics through the story and then he sings it to her where I include the entire lyrics. I use and reuse pieces of the song so sorry if it confuses you.  
  
Part 1:: Landon's POV  
  
I sighed, flipping the Swiss army knife my father had given me when I was 8 years old causally with my calloused fingers. The sun was setting on my bare, tanned back and for a fleeting moment I wanted to jump into the lake that lay meters below my dangling feet but decided against it.  
  
~~~When everything feels like the movies Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive~~  
  
She was dying.......... leaving me. My sweet, innocent Jamie was inside lying on her fucking death bed and I was out here, basking in the remorse of it all and it hasn't even happened and even hoping, perhaps, that maybe my pain could substitute for hers but no, I would never know pain like hers. For awhile I thought she was being selfish but then I realized we both were.  
  
~~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now~~  
  
I slowly rose back up to standing position, pulling my shirt back on, and clearing my irrational thoughts. I had to think positive.........before she left. I ran a hand through my sun glistened hair and headed back up the walk, casually strolling along. I wanted to do something for her but I didn't have a clue as to what that something might be. I had given her my heart already; I thought bitterly, what else can I do?  
  
~~And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming or the moment of truth in your lies~~  
  
I punished myself momentarily for thinking so selfishly while she was so well selfless. I pulled the glass door open and took a whiff of the air inside. It smelt of Lysol. Yep, we had to constantly sanitize our house to keep Jamie longer. Yep, we had to spray ten fuckin cans of Lysol to help keep my wife alive. I shook the bitterness out of head and proceed down the musty hall and to our room.  
  
~~And I'd give up forever to touch you Cause I know that you feel me somehow~~  
  
Our room, the room that held so many memories. I leaned casually on the door frame and sighed, rubbing my hands over my eyes and finally forcing them to scan the room and let the memories come in. The hours we spent cuddling and reading the bible, well I was cuddling and she was reading. The millions of times we fell asleep together, wrapped in each others arms as though someone might try to pull us apart and even the love that we made in this room, though it wasn't as often as I would have liked, being a guy and all. I chuckled at that and whirled around, thinking if I thought anymore it would disappear like sand through a funnel.  
  
~~And all I could taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life~~  
  
Finally I got to my destination, the guest room a.k.a Jamie's hospital. The bed wouldn't fit in our room, and so I usually just slept in the couch that also occupied the room. I could see my tried and twisted blanket that got that way from the nightmares that seemed to haunt me every night but I'd wake up and no matter how pale or sickly she was she would greet me with a good morning over the rim of her bible and those thoughts would disappear and she would be as beautiful as she always was.  
  
~~And sooner or later it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight~~  
  
"Hello beautiful." I greeted her as I walked over. The shock of my entrance caused her head to spring up and my lips to meet hers. She smiled against my lips, and laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into a hug. I grinned and grabbed her off the bed, twirling her around. She started to giggle as I pulled her close to me, tears rising up in my eyes.  
  
~~~And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am~~  
  
She was actually better today, they didn't have her hooked up to an IV and the nurse was eating a sandwich in the kitchen, which was always a good sign.  
  
She returned the hug and squeezed me tight; missing the simple but hurtful words "I missed you." I didn't want her to miss me, and I knew I should have been here but enough was enough, I had to get out.  
  
"Do you think that maybe tonight we could sleep on the hammock again? Just the two of us?" I whispered. I could feel her grinning, the way she eased up in the embrace. She nodded and stepped back from me.  
  
"I haven't gone outside in weeks but this afternoon, I was watching you." She said, smiling her secret smile.  
  
"I am some catch aren't I?" I joked.  
  
"I was hopping I could go out one more time, feel the cool wind and see the stars, not from a window. Not that the service here isn't great, I mean if I asked them to rub my little pinky with a piece of cookie they'd do it." she replied causally.  
  
"At least we are getting what we paid for." She frowned slightly when I said this but didn't comment.  
  
"I just want the best for you." I added.  
  
"Mhmm." She mused.  
  
"Come on," I coaxed, grabbing her frail wrist tenderly and heading down the hall.  
  
"Don't you think we should tell someone?" she asked.  
  
"They'll figure it out, especially when they hear you laughing."  
  
"Now why would I be laughing?" she questioned with a twinkle in her eyes.  
  
I didn't reply but instead, lifted her up and cradled her in my arms as we weaved around the yard and down to the lake and the hammock. She half- laughed/screamed as we finally halted and I set her down on the ground. I climbed on the hammock and layed down, and then helped her on.  
  
Jamie was lying beside me again, the way it should be always.  
  
"What are you thinking?" she asked me and I turned over and propped my head up on my hand.  
  
"About you." I replied, tapping her nose lightly with my finger. She swatted my hand aside and sighed.  
  
"Me too." she finally replied after a moment.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"If I tell you I will have to kill you." I joked lazily, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. She had on one of her summer dresses and white Keds. An outfit that anyone who didn't truly know Jamie sneered at.  
  
"Now what are you thinking about?" she asked after another moment.  
  
"Are you so bored you must interrogate me?" I asked questioningly.  
  
"Perhaps." She replied with a smirk.  
  
"Let's dance then." I suggested, rolling off and helping her off.  
  
"You have never been one to suggest dancing." She inquired.  
  
"Well you have never been the first to ask me what I was thinking." I said. She nodded slightly, satisfied with my answer.  
  
"Wait a second, we don't have any music."  
  
I brushed her comment off and wrapped my arms around her waist. She reluctantly agreed after a few moments. I smiled and leaned down closer to her ear and began to sing::  
  
~~And I'd give up forever to touch you Because I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now  
  
And all I could taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight  
  
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am  
  
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am~~  
  
Part 2:: Jamie's POV  
  
My whole body began to tingle as, with every word, Landon's serenade seemed to well take my breath away. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and be caught by the fabric of Landon's old flannel shirt and soaked up in the scent of his aftershave.  
  
I never in a million years thought that I would court Landon Carter. Bad boy, rebel without a cause more like. I had always wanted him, one part of me, and the part of me that told Landon yes on our first date. The part of me that is out here dancing with him even though it may take a day off my life.  
  
Landon's voice faded out and brought me back to reality. I looked down at my feet in an insecure manner. I had always been secure; the part of me dancing out here was also to blame for that.  
  
I felt Landon twitch his hand and put it under my neck forcing me to look up at him. I think my eyes gave everything away, the fact that I probably love him more now than I ever did. He smiled softly and with that I stood up strait and wrapped my arms back around his neck.  
  
"I don't know many more songs." He admitted. I laughed and replied, "Who said I still wanted to dance?"  
  
I kissed him passionately, quite a shock for the both of us because I was almost never the one doing the kissing in the first place. He regained posture though and kissed me back, his chapped from the sun lips rough against my pale, full ones.  
  
We pulled away after a few moments, heading back over the hammock. I laid down on top of him, after deep insists from him, and now the pounding of his heart lulling me into what I didn't want to do......... sleep.  
  
"What are you thinking?" he murmured, reaching up to ruffle my hair but stopping.  
  
"About how you are about to ask me why my hair is up in a bun." I guessed. He laughed, causing me to bounce slightly. My frail body was no match for his.  
  
"You can take it down, I didn't do it. The nurse did. I didn't exactly respond great to the medicine earlier today." I replied with a grimace.  
  
He nodded with understanding and took out the bobby pins, one by one, until my hair was strayed out around us.  
  
Keep on fighting the tiredness, I reminded myself.  
  
"Why do you prefer my hair down over up?" I asked.  
  
He paused for a moment and then answered, "Cancer doesn't seem so real when you have this head full of hair."  
  
My breath caught in my throat. Hearing that word just I don't know.  
  
"You ok?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"I'm fine." I replied strongly. He smiled a tight smile but I knew he didn't believe me.  
  
I felt my eyelids close and as soon as they did it was like everyone was screaming "don't leave us" but I think Landon knew and I knew I was going to make it through this night.  
  
When I opened my eyes again, I saw Landon had his closed, and that his breathing had become regulated. I tried to get off of him but he grabbed my arm and steadied me. I relaxed and he began to rub my back soothingly and even ruffling my hair in the process.  
  
I grinned and took this time to study his features. The curve of his half smile resting on his lips and the eyelashes that seemed to curve out ever so perfectly and his hair, he hadn't brushed it today so it was just a ruffled mess on top of his head. I reached up instinctively and tried to smooth it but he caught my wrist, smirking in the process.  
  
"I like it this way." He stated, opening his eyes to look at me.  
  
"I thought you were asleep." I prodded.  
  
"I thought you were too."  
  
"Being able to fool you is merely a perquisite of this marriage." i joked.  
  
"A what?" he asked.  
  
"It's the word of the day (it is!) For Webster.com. Hey I was bored!" I claimed. He laughed and kissed my forehead and then my lips.  
  
"I miss this you know?" I thought out loud and then covered my mouth.  
  
He smirked and asked what, threatening to tickle it out of me.  
  
"Fine! You win! I'll tell." I gasped after five minutes of intense tickling.  
  
"Thank you, now what?" he asked.  
  
"Us, this hanging out and talking, having fun." I admitted sheepishly.  
  
"Alright then, we'll do it for the rest of your life." he replied earnestly.  
  
"That's a huge commitment Mr. Carter." I said sarcastically.  
  
"Glad I could be of service." He replied with a smirk.  
  
"Yea, yea. Don't flatter yourself and please wipe that smirk off your face." I growled.  
  
"Are you blushing? I believe you are." He teased.  
  
"We are in the dark." I reminded him.  
  
"I know but I can feel you heating up."  
  
"That sounded odd."  
  
"I can make it sound better." Landon joked.  
  
"Landon!" I jumped. He grabbed me and laughed, hugging me tighter if that was possible. "I am going to make this the best night of your life." he added.  
  
"Landon!" I repeated.  
  
"Well you said you wanted to have fun, well my kind of fun is getting on your nerves." I swatted him but he grabbed my hand and kissed it lightly.  
  
"I love you so much Jamie." His hazel eyes shone brightly in the moonlight.  
  
"I love you too." I whispered as he ruffled my hair and my eyelids drooped.  
  
He wrapped his arm securely around my waist though and the night continued to play out around us but we..........we were together for another summer night.  
  
~And all I could taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life and sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight~  
  
Author's note- Hope you enjoyed it ( please review!!! 


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